One of my favorite television shows had me thinking last night. Being Mary Jane always has me thinking, but last night man I got a revelation. When Many Jane realized that her issues with men and her relationships stemmed from her mother, man that hit home. I always knew that our parents relationships had an affect on how we date and future relationships. It was something about last night that made me realized how much my choice in men is affected by my mother’s complaints about my dad. My mother named me A’Teirrah to be the opposite of her so I wouldn’t do the same things as her fyi my mother’s name is Harriet if you pay close attention to the spelling of our names you’ll get it.
My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mother always says she feels like she rushed into a relationship and marriage with my dad. Her mother made her feel as though if she didn’t marry my dad that she really wouldn’t have much of a choice of men. My mother always says to me don’t make the same mistake I did. It’s not that my mother didn’t love my dad they were married for 11 years. It was just some of my dads ways she couldn’t live with anymore which caused the divorce. My mother just wants me to be careful who I choose to make that lifetime commitment of marriage with. Another thing about it all is that I try so hard to pick someone who doesn’t have the negative characteristics of my dad I forget to look for someone who encompasses the positive characteristics.
I noticed that every time I meet a guy I weed them out based on some similar characteristic to my dad, I realized that sometimes I don’t give guys a chance. Then I have those moments where I say hey give the next guy a chance and then it feels like I’m giving the wrong guy a chance and weeding out the ones that should have a chance. So then I wonder do I give every guy that takes interest or is potential a chance, this dating thing is a challenge.
Everyone has advice. I have asked my brother’s my friends, my family , I have read the books listen to the ministers prayed and fasted I’ve done it all. I’ve tried speed dating, online dating etc, I’ve even taking breaks to make sure I am ready to be courted and to be married. Am I going too stop trying different avenues probably not because you just never know how you will meet the one. One thing is for sure I will never pursue, I’m just not that kind of woman. I will make myself available, I will show interest but never will I pursue a man.
I will keep waiting because I refuse to settle for less than what I know God will provide.