One of my favorite television shows had me thinking last night. Being Mary Jane always has me thinking, but last night man I got a revelation. When Many Jane realized that her issues with men and her relationships stemmed from her mother, man that hit home. I always knew that our parents relationships had an affect on how we date and future relationships. It was something about last night that made me realized how much my choice in men is affected by my mother’s complaints about my dad. My mother named me A’Teirrah to be the opposite of her so I wouldn’t do the same things as her fyi my mother’s name is Harriet if you pay close attention to the spelling of our names you’ll get it.
My parents divorced when I was 3 and my mother always says she feels like she rushed into a relationship and marriage with my dad. Her mother made her feel as though if she didn’t marry my dad that she really wouldn’t have much of a choice of men. My mother always says to me don’t make the same mistake I did. It’s not that my mother didn’t love my dad they were married for 11 years. It was just some of my dads ways she couldn’t live with anymore which caused the divorce. My mother just wants me to be careful who I choose to make that lifetime commitment of marriage with. Another thing about it all is that I try so hard to pick someone who doesn’t have the negative characteristics of my dad I forget to look for someone who encompasses the positive characteristics.
I noticed that every time I meet a guy I weed them out based on some similar characteristic to my dad, I realized that sometimes I don’t give guys a chance. Then I have those moments where I say hey give the next guy a chance and then it feels like I’m giving the wrong guy a chance and weeding out the ones that should have a chance. So then I wonder do I give every guy that takes interest or is potential a chance, this dating thing is a challenge.
Everyone has advice. I have asked my brother’s my friends, my family , I have read the books listen to the ministers prayed and fasted I’ve done it all. I’ve tried speed dating, online dating etc, I’ve even taking breaks to make sure I am ready to be courted and to be married. Am I going too stop trying different avenues probably not because you just never know how you will meet the one. One thing is for sure I will never pursue, I’m just not that kind of woman. I will make myself available, I will show interest but never will I pursue a man.
I will keep waiting because I refuse to settle for less than what I know God will provide.
Today marks two years of blogging. I am proud of myself for the consistent content that I have produced. I enjoy writing and sharing my life and the things around me. I know my listening ear and sharing my experience prior to blogging helped people around me. I thought merging the two would be even more of a help to others. I am grateful to those of you who have supported and continue to support my blog. I look forward to sharing my upcoming endeavors with you all.
Keep coming back more encouraging, motivational, inspirational and fashionable blog posts are to come. As I grow and change you I hope that you will change and grow too.
So many people look for love in so many of the wrong people and places. There are also times when people think that certain negative actions are deemed as love. I know there are many who didn’t grow up in a loving home. My mother constantly told me and showed me love as well as extended family and friends. Thanks to my upbringing I know what love looks and feels like. I bet you are wondering where I am going with this talk about love. Well I just want to remind you that the Greatest Love of All is God!!!
Romans 5:8 But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
This morning as I was driving to work I listened to Kierra Sheards song indescribable, it was a live version. There is a part where she says “You saw the depths of my heart and you love me the same, you are amazing God.” Tears streamed down my face because I thought about how I have thought, felt and done things in my life that God doesn’t approve of but His love for me doesn’t change. His love is so unconditional His love never wavers. If you think about it so many of the most successful people that have lived on earth have some of the most jacked up past lives, but God. God sustained them loved the hell right out of them and turned them in to some of His Best work. We need to know if we are willing vessels He can do the same with us.
Titus 3:4-5 But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit.
It’s so great when you believe and trust in a God who will love you, protect you, give to you, provide for you even when you have failed or messed up, when your heart wasn’t right. The mistake that many people make is thinking they have to get themselves together to go to God. NOPE! He said come as you are, and He loves you right where you are in life.
1 Corinthians 13:7 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
So stop looking for validation in man, stop expecting a man or woman to love you the way God loves you. Your parents are the only ones who come close to loving you like God, but guess what they are human just like you which means there may be some conditons to their love. It’s important to love self and learn to embrace yourself flaws and all. Allow God to show you what true love and that good love on earth will come your way.
Psalm 136:2 Give thanks to the God of gods. His love endures forever.
We have all experienced it at one point in time in life. We have all had those insecure moments something just wasn’t what you desired it to be. Whether it is your skin, weight, clothes, hair even your personality may not have been what you wanted, but something about you has always been admired by someone. Each and everyone of us can find something about someone else that we love and they may hate. It’s amazing how we all have been uniquely created in the image of God which is Great and Beautiful. Which means we all have something great and beautiful about ourselves. Somethings we can change or improve in a healthy manner, other things aren’t worth it and need to be embraced. Somethings are meant to be just the way God created it to be, even if it isn’t that great to us.
Let’s take me for example, I love my legs they have always been thick and strong. Being a dancer since the age of 3 has giving me a great and graceful stride. I love the shape of my calves and I am bowlegged which is a hint of my mother and paternal grandmother. I have a fat stomach which can be changed with a healthier diet and exercise, it goes up and down, because hey, let’s be real I like to eat. I still actively dance which forces me to be active and not just sit eat and be obese and sick. I have never really thought I had a cool personality but some people gravitate to me and love being around me. It’s some people I always thought were so cool have these magnetic personalities and I wanted to be like them. It’s some people who were cool with the real me and when they saw me trying to be like someone else they became less of a friend and more of an associate. That was definitely a growing process for me. I was always trying to be like someone else and not staying 100% to myself. Yet, the older I get the more I learn me and the more I embrace who I am, and embrace those who like me. Now as for those who don’t like me I don’t worry about.
I hope me being transparent allows you to look at yourself and find something that you love and embrace about yourself. I also hope you can find one thing that you can change and improve in a healthy manner. Last but not least one thing that you struggled with embracing but others already liked about you. It’s all about being true to yourself and not questioning if you are like someone else but questioning if you are being yourself.
Everyday you should be able to close the day with a lesson learned, not specifically from a bad situation, but have a take away from the day. I mean think about it when you were in school you were constantly learning things to apply to life. Just because you are not currently enrolled in school doesn’t mean the learning stops. Today you may learn something new about a friend coworker family member or even your spouse.
Those of us who a attend church we go with the anticipation of learning something gaining knowledge to apply to our lives. We gain enough information then we go home and read the bible and get understanding for self.
This is life, constantly gaining knowledge to apply to daily living. If you really pay attention today you will realize you have learned so much in a day. Don’t be so closed that you , miss something that may help you to become a better you. I pray you end the day with lessons learned more knowledge of the people and places around you and something new that will change your life.
Gaining knowledge is great using it accordingly is Wisdom!!!